Todays daily star
I DO wish that car companies would stop giving jobs to work experience kids.
You just know that you’re going to end up with some kind of overblown, undrive-able mess of a motor that wouldn’t impress anyone other than another teenager.
That’s why they drive around with their foglights on and 1000-watt stereos pumping out rap with a silent c. They think they’re cool when in reality they’re just a bloody annoyance.
Some idiot at Seat clearly put the schoolboy department in charge of their latest project, the absurd Seat Ibiza Cupra Bocanegra.
Blimey, even its name should give you a clue. Too many excited youngsters came up with too many names, so they just settled for the lot.
That’s why it’s such a mouthful just to say what it’s actually called.
They also chose too many gadgets, gizmos and go-faster gimmicks for the real thing. So guess what they did with that lot too? That’s right, they picked them all.
Where do you start with a car that is so awful that you find it extremely hard to believe it’s come from the same firm that gave us the blindingly brilliant Leon Cupra? Or how about the sublime and delicious Seat Exeo? Not a poor man’s Audi A4 but a better A4 that Audi should have made themselves before Seat showed them how to do it.
No, the Seat Ibiza Cupra Bocanegra came straight out of a classroom of kids who obviously let their young minds run riot.
“We’ll make it a turbo!” Yeah. “And we’ll supercharge it, too!” Yeah.
“We’ll have massive alloys!” Yeah. “And ultra low profile tyres!” Yeah.
“We’ll get those smoked lights like they sell in Halfords!” Yeah.
“And we’ll give it a massive exhaust!” Yeah.
“And a spoiler kit and a diffuser and sports suspension and racing seats and a racing style paddle shift gearbox!” Yeah, yeah, yeah.
No, no, no.
Well it’s too late. The Seat Ibiza Cupra Bocanegra, as you’ve probably guessed by now, has got all these things, and a lot more too. The result is one big horrible mess.
Blimey, even when it landed on the More Sumptuous Than Ever Drive That Leads to New Fowler Towers, Mrs Motormouth took an instant dislike to the poor, overblown, thing.
She thought the local kids had parked one of their tarted-up old wrecks outside the house.
Driving it, though, was actually even worse than it looked. Its little 1.4-litre VW engine – complete with turbo and supercharger – just isn’t up to the job. It sounds in agony whenever pushed hard and even though it wails up to 7,000rpm it actually hits peak power at 6,200.
The rest takes so long to get there and makes such a racket it’s just not worth the effort.
And that’s just the noise coming from the front. It’s even worse at the back where closer examination of its Porsche Boxster style “wide mouth” exhaust reveals two pipes from a Ford Anglia hidden inside.
The Seat Ibiza Cupra Bocanegra’s stiffer sports suspension is an absolute disaster.
It may be fine on a racing track but in the real world it threatens to break your back if you so much as drive over a dead hedgehog (that’s before or after you’ve hit it).
Its low profile tyres and oversized alloys just add to the overall unpleasantness. The shudders and bangs resulting from anything but a perfect surface are terrifying. It makes you wonder how long the whole thing’s going to hold together.
Credit where it’s due, though, once you get it going, and given a good road, the seven-speed DSG paddle-change gearbox is so fast and such a delight it makes the car a lot more bearable.
For the money, it’s got an enormous amount of kit as standard, it’s econom*ical and it’s practical, too, with a decent boot that turns into large with the back seats folded down.
To be honest, I probably would have liked the Seat Ibiza Cupra Bocanegra if I was 17 years old. But I’m not.
In fact, I probably drove something just like it when I was 17.
In those days, I thought I was the coolest person on the planet.
I DO wish that car companies would stop giving jobs to work experience kids.
You just know that you’re going to end up with some kind of overblown, undrive-able mess of a motor that wouldn’t impress anyone other than another teenager.
That’s why they drive around with their foglights on and 1000-watt stereos pumping out rap with a silent c. They think they’re cool when in reality they’re just a bloody annoyance.
Some idiot at Seat clearly put the schoolboy department in charge of their latest project, the absurd Seat Ibiza Cupra Bocanegra.
Blimey, even its name should give you a clue. Too many excited youngsters came up with too many names, so they just settled for the lot.
That’s why it’s such a mouthful just to say what it’s actually called.
They also chose too many gadgets, gizmos and go-faster gimmicks for the real thing. So guess what they did with that lot too? That’s right, they picked them all.
Where do you start with a car that is so awful that you find it extremely hard to believe it’s come from the same firm that gave us the blindingly brilliant Leon Cupra? Or how about the sublime and delicious Seat Exeo? Not a poor man’s Audi A4 but a better A4 that Audi should have made themselves before Seat showed them how to do it.
No, the Seat Ibiza Cupra Bocanegra came straight out of a classroom of kids who obviously let their young minds run riot.
“We’ll make it a turbo!” Yeah. “And we’ll supercharge it, too!” Yeah.
“We’ll have massive alloys!” Yeah. “And ultra low profile tyres!” Yeah.
“We’ll get those smoked lights like they sell in Halfords!” Yeah.
“And we’ll give it a massive exhaust!” Yeah.
“And a spoiler kit and a diffuser and sports suspension and racing seats and a racing style paddle shift gearbox!” Yeah, yeah, yeah.
No, no, no.
Well it’s too late. The Seat Ibiza Cupra Bocanegra, as you’ve probably guessed by now, has got all these things, and a lot more too. The result is one big horrible mess.
Blimey, even when it landed on the More Sumptuous Than Ever Drive That Leads to New Fowler Towers, Mrs Motormouth took an instant dislike to the poor, overblown, thing.
She thought the local kids had parked one of their tarted-up old wrecks outside the house.
Driving it, though, was actually even worse than it looked. Its little 1.4-litre VW engine – complete with turbo and supercharger – just isn’t up to the job. It sounds in agony whenever pushed hard and even though it wails up to 7,000rpm it actually hits peak power at 6,200.
The rest takes so long to get there and makes such a racket it’s just not worth the effort.
And that’s just the noise coming from the front. It’s even worse at the back where closer examination of its Porsche Boxster style “wide mouth” exhaust reveals two pipes from a Ford Anglia hidden inside.
The Seat Ibiza Cupra Bocanegra’s stiffer sports suspension is an absolute disaster.
It may be fine on a racing track but in the real world it threatens to break your back if you so much as drive over a dead hedgehog (that’s before or after you’ve hit it).
Its low profile tyres and oversized alloys just add to the overall unpleasantness. The shudders and bangs resulting from anything but a perfect surface are terrifying. It makes you wonder how long the whole thing’s going to hold together.
Credit where it’s due, though, once you get it going, and given a good road, the seven-speed DSG paddle-change gearbox is so fast and such a delight it makes the car a lot more bearable.
For the money, it’s got an enormous amount of kit as standard, it’s econom*ical and it’s practical, too, with a decent boot that turns into large with the back seats folded down.
To be honest, I probably would have liked the Seat Ibiza Cupra Bocanegra if I was 17 years old. But I’m not.
In fact, I probably drove something just like it when I was 17.
In those days, I thought I was the coolest person on the planet.
![[:@]](/forums/styles/seatcupra/oldforumsmileys/furious.gif "Furious [:@]")
