A few more laughs ....

[colsy]

Embarrassing public moments

A Melbourne radio station conducted a phone-in competition to find the most embarrassing public moment in a listener’s life. Here are the final four...


4th Place
While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release some pent-up energy & started to run amuck. I was finally able to grab hold of her after receiving looks of disgust & annoyance from other patrons. I told her that if she didn’t start behaving herself, right now, she would be punished. To my horror, she looked me in the eye & said in a voice just as threatening, 'If you don’t let me go right now, I will tell Grandma I saw you kissing Daddy’s Willie last night.' After this enlightening exchange, the silence was deafening. Even the tellers stopped what they were doing. I mustered the last of my dignity & walked out of the bank, with my daughter in tow. The last thing I heard as the door closed behind me were screams of laughter.


3rd Place
It was the day before my 18th birthday. I was living at home, but my parents had gone out for the evening, so I invited my girlfriend over for a romantic night alone. As we lay in bed after making love, we heard the telephone ringing downstairs. I suggested to my girlfriend that I give her a piggyback ride down to the phone. Since we didn’t want to miss the call, we didn’t make time to get dressed. When we got to the bottom of the stairs, the lights suddenly came on as a whole crowd of people yelled 'SURPRISE'. My entire family parents, grand parents, aunts, uncles, cousins as well as my friends, were standing there. My girlfriend & I were frozen on the spot in a state of shocked embarrassment for what seemed like an eternity. Since then, no one in my family has planned any surprise parties.


2nd Place
A lady picked up several items at a discount store. When she finally got up to the checkout, she learned that one of the items had no price tag. The checkout girl got on the public address system, which boomed out across the store for everyone to hear, 'Price check for Tampax supersize.' But it got worse. Someone at the rear of the store apparently misunderstood word 'Tampax' for 'Thumb Tacks' & replied in a business like tone, his voice booming back over the same public address system: 'Do you want the kind you push in with your thumb or the ones you knock in with a hammer?'.


1st Place
This happened at a major Australian University, during a biology lecture. A professor was discussing the high glucose levels found in semen. A young woman raised her hand & asked, 'If I understand you correctly, you are saying there is as much glucose in male semen as in sugar?' The professor responded, yes, that’s correct adding some statistical data. Raising her hand again, the girl asked, 'Then why doesn’t it taste sweet?' After a stunned silence, the whole class burst out laughing. The poor girl turned bright red as she realised exactly what she had inadvertently said, she picked up her books & without another word, walked out of the class. However, as she was heading for the door, the professor’s reply was a classic. Totally straight faced, he answered her question. 'It doesn’t taste sweet because the taste-buds for sweetness are on the tip of your tongue & not in the back of your throat'.

 

[colsy]

Monday night Quickie

It was Postman Pat's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the
mail through all kinds of weather to the same villages and towns.

When he arrived at the first house on his route, he was greeted by the
whole family there, who all hugged and congratulated him and sent him on
his way with a cheque for £50.

At the second house they presented him an 18-carat gold watch.

The folks at the third house handed him a bottle of 15-year old Scotch
whisky.

At the fourth house he was met at the door by a dumb Derby County
supporting blonde in her lingerie. She took him by the arm and led him
up the stairs to the bedroom where she blew his mind with the most
passionate love he had ever experienced.
When they went downstairs, the blonde fixed him a full English
breakfast: Bacon, Eggs, Sausage & Tomato with freshly squeezed orange
juice. As she was pouring him a
cup of steaming coffee, he noticed a quid coin in the saucer.

'All this was just too wonderful for words,' he said, 'but what's the
quid for?'

'Well,' said the dumb blonde, 'Last night, I told my husband that today
would be your last day and that we should do something special for you'.
'I asked him what I should give you'.

He said, '**** him. Give him a quid.'

She smiled shyly and said, 'The breakfast was my idea.'

 

[KebabWarrior81]

It was Postman Pat's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the
mail through all kinds of weather to the same villages and towns.

When he arrived at the first house on his route, he was greeted by the
whole family there, who all hugged and congratulated him and sent him on
his way with a cheque for £50.

At the second house they presented him an 18-carat gold watch.

The folks at the third house handed him a bottle of 15-year old Scotch
whisky.

At the fourth house he was met at the door by a dumb Derby County
supporting blonde in her lingerie. She took him by the arm and led him
up the stairs to the bedroom where she blew his mind with the most
passionate love he had ever experienced.
When they went downstairs, the blonde fixed him a full English
breakfast: Bacon, Eggs, Sausage & Tomato with freshly squeezed orange
juice. As she was pouring him a
cup of steaming coffee, he noticed a quid coin in the saucer.

'All this was just too wonderful for words,' he said, 'but what's the
quid for?'

'Well,' said the dumb blonde, 'Last night, I told my husband that today
would be your last day and that we should do something special for you'.
'I asked him what I should give you'.

He said, '**** him. Give him a quid.'

She smiled shyly and said, 'The breakfast was my idea.'

ha ha love it Colin

 

[colsy]

^^^^^^^^^^^^^_______________
thanks . I don't know why they picked out Derby County ...it could have been anywhere

 

[colsy]

Funny

Waiting in a lay by ready to catch speeding drivers, a Police Officer sees a car puttering along the A22 at well under the 30 mile per hour limit.

Says he to himself: "This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!" So he turns on his twos and blues and pulls the driver over.

Approaching the car, he notices that there are five old ladies, two in the front seats and three in the back...wide eyed and white as ghosts.

The driver, obviously confused, says to him "Officer, I don't understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit! What seems to be the problem?"

"Ma'am," the officer replies, "you weren't speeding, but you should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be a danger to other drivers."

"Slower than the speed limit? No sir, I was doing the speed limit exactly, twenty-two miles an hour!" .......the old woman says a bit proudly.

The Police officer, trying to contain a chuckle explains to her that A22 is the road number, not the speed limit.

A bit embarrassed, the woman grins and thanks the officer for pointing out her error.

"But before I let you go, Ma'am, I have to ask, is everyone in this car OK? These women seem awfully shaken, and they haven't made a sound this whole time," the officer asks.

"Oh, they'll be all right in a minute officer We've just come off the A160"

 

[colsy]

Teacher is giving a lesson on nutrition, and she decides to ask her students what they had for breakfast.

To add a spelling component, she asks the students to also spell their answers.
Susan puts up her hand and says she had an egg, 'E-G-G'.
'Very good', says the teacher..

Peter says he had toast 'T-O-A-S-T'.
'Excellent.'

Johnny has his hand up and the teacher reluctantly calls on him.
'I had bugger all', he says, ' B-U-G-G-E-R-A-L-L'.

The teacher is mortified and scolds Johnny for his rude answer.
Later when the lesson turns to geography, she asks the students some rudimentary questions.

Susan correctly identifies the Capital of Canada ... Peter is able to tell her which ocean is off Canada 's east coast.

When it's Johnny's turn, the teacher remembers his rude answer from the nutrition lesson, and decides to give him a very difficult question.

'Johnny', she asks, 'Where is the Pakistani border?'

Johnny ponders the question and finally says, "The Pakistani border is in bed with my mother.

That's why I got bugger all for breakfast'.

 

[colsy]

Tuesday specials

A young Asian girl had been taught all of her life that when she married
she was to please her husband and never upset him. So the first morning
of her honeymoon when the young Asian bride crawled out of bed after
making love and she stooped down to pick up her husband's clothes, she
accidentally let out a big fart. She looked up and said: "So sorry....
excuse please, front hole so happy back hole laugh out loud".
........................
It's a really hot day and this penguin is having car trouble, so he
takes it into a garage. The penguin asks "How long will it be?" The
mechanic says "Just a few minutes". So the penguin decides to go get an
ice cream at the grocery store across the street. When the penguin gets
there he climbs inside the big freezer door and starts to eat ice cream.
Three hours go by before the penguin looks at his watch and jumps out of
the freezer and races back to the garage. With ice cream all over his
face and his stomach he says "So, how's my car?" The mechanic comes
walking out wiping his hands on a rag and says "Looks like you blew a
seal". The penguin says "No, no, no, I was just eating ice cream".

........................

Two guys chatting in a bar.

'My wife keeps hinting about a sexy gift she wants,' one says.

'She said it begins with D and ends in O, and vibrates in a pleasing way.'

'Blimey ,' the second guy gasps. 'Where on earth are you going to find a
didgeridoo?'

 

[colsy]

Lonely man on a Beach

A man washed up on a beach after a shipwreck.

Only a sheep and a sheepdog were washed-up with him.

After looking around, he realized that they were stranded on a deserted island.

After being there awhile, he got into the habit of taking his two
animal companions to the beach every evening to watch the sunset.

One particular evening, the sky was a fiery red with beautiful cirrus
clouds, the breeze was warm and gentle - a perfect night for romance.

As they sat there, the sheep started looking better and better to the
lonely man.

Soon, he leaned over to the sheep and put his arm around it. The
sheepdog, ever-protective of the sheep, growled fiercely until the man
took his arm from around the sheep.

After that, the three of them continued to enjoy the sunsets together,
but there was no more cuddling.

A few weeks passed-by and, lo and behold, there was another shipwreck.

The only survivor was Hillary Clinton.

That evening, the man brought Hillary to the evening beach ritual.

It was another beautiful evening - red sky, cirrus clouds, a warm and
gentle breeze - perfect for a night of romance.

Pretty soon, the man started to get those feelings again.

He fought the urges as long as he could but he finally gave-in and
leaned over to Hillary and told her he hadn't had sex for months.

Hillary batted her eyelashes and asked if there was anything she could
do for him.

He said, 'Take the dog for a walk.'

 

[colsy]

Becoming an Irishman

8 year old Mohammad entered his classroom on the first day of school.
"What's your name?", asked the teacher.

"Mohammad," he replied.

"You're in Ireland now," replied the teacher. "So from now on you will be known as Mike."

Mohammad returned home after school.

"How was your day, Mohammad?", his mother asked.

"My name is not Mohammad. I'm in Ireland and now my name is Mike."

"Are you ashamed of your name? Are you trying to dishonor your parents,
your heritage, your religion? Shame on you!" And his mother beat him.

Then she called his father, who beat him again.

The next day Mohammad returned to school. The teacher saw all of his bruises.

"What happened to you, Mike?", she asked.

"Well shortly after becoming an Irishman, I was attacked by two ****ing Arabs."

 

[colsy]

Another

An airplane was about to crash; there were 5 passengers on board, but only 4 parachutes.

The first passenger, holly madison said, "i have my own reality show and i am the smartest
and prettiest woman at playboy, so americans don't want me to die."she took the first pack
and jumped out of the plane.

The second passenger, john mccain , said, "i'm a senator, and a decorated war hero from an
elite navy unit from the united states of america." so he grabbed the second pack and jumped.

The third passenger, barack obama said, "i am the president of the united states and i am the
smartest ever in the history of our country, some even call me the 'anointed one'. So he
grabbed the pack next to him and jumped out.

The fourth passenger, billy graham, said to the fifth passenger, a 10-year-old schoolgirl ,
"i have lived a full life and served my god the best i could. I will sacrifice my life and let
you have the last parachute. "the little girl said, "that's okay, mr. Graham. There's a para-
chute left for you. America's smartest president took my schoolbag ."

 

[colsy]

I wish

The Iranian Ambassador to the UN had just finished giving a speech and walked out into the lobby of the convention
where he was introduced to a U.S. Marine General.


As they talked, the Iranian said, "I have just one question about what I have seen in America."


The General said, "Well, anything I can do to help?"


The Iranian whispered, "My son watches this show called Star Trek and in it there is ...
Kirk who is Canadian, Chekhov who is Russian, Scotty who is Scottish, Uhura who is black, and Sulu who is
Japanese, but there are NO Muslims.

My son is very upset and doesn't understand why there aren't any Iranians, Iraqis, Afghans, Egyptians, Palestinians, Saudis, Syrians, or Pakistanis on Star Trek."


The General leaned toward the Iranian Ambassador, and whispered in his ear,


"That's because it takes place in the future..."

 

[colsy]

Golf and Religious Distribution

A guy was getting ready to tee off on the first hole when a second

golfer approached and asked if he could join him.
The first said that he usually played alone, but agreed to the twosome.
They were even after the first few holes. The second guy said, "We're
about evenly matched, how about playing for five bucks a hole?"
The first guy said that he wasn't much for betting, but agreed to the
terms.
The second guy won the remaining sixteen holes with ease.
As they were walking off number eighteen, the second guy was busy
counting his $80.00. He confessed that he was the pro at a neighboring
course and liked to pick on suckers.
The first fellow revealed that he was the Parish Priest.
The pro was flustered and apologetic, offering to return the money. The
Priest said, "You won fair and square and I was foolish to bet with
you. You keep your winnings."
The pro said, "Is there anything I can do to make it up to you?"
The Priest said, "Well, you could come to Mass on Sunday and make a
donation. And, if you want to bring your mother and father along,
I'll marry them.

 

[colsy]

The Affair

A woman was sure that her husband was cheating on her by having an affair with the maid.
So she laid down a trap.
One evening she suddenly sent the maid home for the weekend and didn’t tell her husband.
That night when they went to bed, the husband gave the old story: “Excuse me my dear, my stomach aches” and went to the bathroom.
The wife promptly went and got into the maid’s bed. She switched the lights off.
...
When he came in silently, he wasted no time or words but had his way with her.
When he finished and was still panting, the wife said: “You didn’t expect to find me in this bed, did you?”
And then she switched on the light. “No ma’am”, said the gardener.

 

[colsy]

The wife and I were watching **** last night and she said: "This is soooo unrealistic" I said "Just because you are not willing to try new things doesn't mean that everyone is that frigid". "No, No, it's not that" she said "It's just that the plumbers that come to our house don't have dicks THAT big!"
--
A man goes to a shrink and says "Doctor, my wife is unfaithful to me. Every evening, she goes to Larry's bar and picks up men. In fact, she sleeps with anybody who asks her! I'm going crazy. What do you think I should do?" "Relax" says the Doctor "take a deep breath and calm down. Now, tell me, exactly where is Larry's bar?"
--
What's the difference between a black and a white fairy-tale? White begins "Once upon a time" black begins "Y'all mother****ers aint gonna believe dis ****!"

--

A guy went out duck hunting, when a very powerful gust of wind blew, which caused his gun to fall over and discharge, and shoot him in his private parts.

Several hours later, lying in a hospital bed, he was approached by his doctor.

"Well sir, I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is that you are going to be okay. The damage was local to your groin, there was very little internal damage and we were able to remove all of the buckshot".

"What's the bad news?" asked the hunter. "The bad news is that there was some pretty extensive buckshot damage done to your penis which left quite a few holes in it. I'm going to have to refer you to my sister".

"Well I guess that isn't too bad" the hunter replied. "Is your sister a plastic surgeon?" "Not exactly" answered the doctor. "She's a flute player in a symphony orchestra. She's going to teach you where to put your fingers so you don't piss in your eye.

--

I actually thought my vasectomy would keep my wife from getting pregnant


But apparently it just changes the colour of the baby

 

[colsy]

Friday quickie

A man walks into a bar, he sees a donkey crying in the corner with a
bucket of quarters next to him. He walks up to the bartender and asks
"What's wrong with the donkey?" The bartender replies "He's been crying
all week, I can't get him to stop. He's been driving away all of my
customers".

The man looks at the donkey and says "Can I be of help?" The bartender
looks up at the man with a very excited face. The bartender says "If you
could do that, the bucket of quarters is yours!"

The man takes the donkey outside, then comes back in after a minute. The
donkey is laughing. The bartender says " You did it! The bucket is all
yours!" The man takes the bucket and walks home.

A week later the man comes back to the same bar. He sees the donkey
laughing again, and another bucket of quarters next to him. He asks the
bartender "What happened? There's nobody here! "The bartender says "The
donkey has been laughing all week, he won't stop. Please, if you could,
do your magic again to help him. I need my business".

The man takes the donkey outside, but this time, an hour passes, and he
walks into the bar again. The donkey is crying. The bartender says
"Incredible! You are truly magical! How on earth do you do it!? "The man
replies "Well, the first time I did it, I told him my **** was bigger
than his. He started laughing. Then, the second time I proved it to him".

 

[colsy]

Thursday funnies

One evening a husband and wife were in bed. The husband was reading a book, and the wife was watching TV. The husband reaches over and puts his hand in his wife's panties then withdraws his hand.

The wife was surprised by this and thought perhaps her husband was in the mood for a little love. A short time later the husband again reaches into his wife's panties then withdraws his hand. Now the wife is almost sure that her husband is in the mood. She decides to wait for him to touch her a third time and then she will know for sure.

The husband repeats the same move again. She leaves the bed, removes her clothes, and returns ready for sex. Her husband, still reading his book, is surprised when she says "Dear, I'm ready!" The husband asks "For what?" She says "Well, for sex, dear! You've fingered me three times in the last 5 minutes, and now I'm ready!" The husband replies "Huh? Sex?? I was just wetting my fingers so I could turn the pages of my book!"

==============================

Got thrown out the chemist today.

I asked the female behind the counter,

"Do you take it up the ass love or do you swallow"

She went absolutely mental.!

Still don't know what you do with suppositories.
............................
One day, a mum was cleaning her son's room and in the closet she found a bondage-S&M magazine.

This was highly upsetting for her.

She showed it to her husband.

He looked at it and handed it back to her without a word.

She finally asked him, "Well, what should we do about this?"

The dad looked at her and said, "Well whatever you do, don't spank him!"
...........................
What's the difference between a Boner and a Bonus?

There's a far better chance your wife's gonna blow the bonus.
.........................
A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlour and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool.

After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split.

The waitress asked kindly, 'Crushed nuts?'

'No,' he replied, 'Arthritis.'
.........................

I rang Babestation last night.

Girl said "hi how can I help?"

I said "fookin hide!

I’ve lost the remote & my bird is coming down the stairs"
............................
A "modern" Muslim couple in Karachi is preparing for a religious wedding.
They meet with their Mullah for counselling. The Mullah asks if they have any last questions before they leave.
The man asks, "We realize it's a tradition for men to dance with men, and women to dance with women. But, at our wedding reception at the Metropole, we would like your permission to dance together."
"Absolutely not," says the Mullah. "It's immoral. Men and women always dance separately."
"So after the ceremony I can't even dance with my own wife?"
"No," answered the Mullah, "It's forbidden."
"Well, okay," says the man, "What about sex? Can we finally have sex?"
"Of course!" replies the Mullah, Sex is OKAY within marriage, to have children!"
"What about different positions?" asks the man.
====================

 

[colsy]

more but a few repeats !

" G'day mate, Fosters Helpline .....
What's the problem mate?"

" Hi Guys, Im in Australia with the girl friend and she's been stung on the minge by a hornet,
and now her Fanny has completely closed up"

"Bummer Mate....."

"Thanks Guys, that's what I thought too.
Bye..."
............................
A tourist arrived in Abeerdeen, hired a car and set off for the coast. On his way he saw a bloke having sex with a sheep. Deeply horrified, he pulled up at the nearest pub and ordered a straight Scotch. Just as he was about to throw it back, he saw a bloke with one leg masturbating furiously at the bar. "For feck's sake!" the bloke cried "what the hell's going on here? I've been here one hour and I've seen a bloke shagging a sheep, and now some bloke's ******* himself off in the bar!" "Fair doo's, mate" the bartender told him "you can't expect a man with only one leg to catch a sheep!"
.............................
I finally managed to give my wife multiple orgasms, but the bitch still isn't happy.

Apparently it doesn't count if there's five years between the first and second one.
..........................
Condoms don't guarantee safe sex!
A friend of mine was wearing one when he was shot dead by the woman's husband!
............................
In hindsight I should have posted my Facebook status as: "I've blown the head gasket on my 1997 XR3i" rather than "I've just buggered a 14 year old escort".
The police still haven't seen the funny side, my lap top's been confiscated and the wife has gone off to her mum's.
...............................
During his golfing vacation at Martha's Vineyard President Obama had been slicing off the tee on every hole. He asks his Scottish born caddy if he has noticed any obvious reasons for his poor tee shots, to which the caddy replies: "Aye, there's a piece of **** on the end of yer driver". The President picks up his driver and cleans the club face, at which point the caddy says "Wrong end".
.......................
What's the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball? A guy will actually search for a golf ball...
....................
The bride was escorted down the aisle and when she reached the altar, the groom was standing there with his golf bag and clubs at his side. She said: "What are your golf clubs doing here?" He looked her right in the eye and said "This isn't going to take all day, is it?"
..................
Women should be like golf caddies, either holding your balls or getting your bloody tee ready.
...................
Two women were playing golf. One teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole. The ball hit one of the men. He immediately clasped his hands together at his groin, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in agony. The woman rushed down to the man, and immediately began to apologise. "Please allow me to help. I'm a Physiotherapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you'd allow me" she told him. "Oh, no, I'll be all right. I'll be fine in a few minutes" the man replied. He was in obvious agony, lying in the foetal position, still clasping his hands there at his groin. At her persistence, however, he finally allowed her to help. She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, loosened his pants and put her hands inside. She administered tender and artful massage for several long moments and asked, "How does that feel?" "Feels great" he replied. "But I still think my thumb's broken!"
......................
We all know that ABBA got their name because it's the initials of the first names of the 4 members of the band.

However, Charlie, Ursula, Norman & Tabatha did the same thing .... but never could figure out why they were not a success and had to wind up ........

 

[colsy]

Men’s Helpline
“Hello, my name is Bob. How can I help you?”
“Hi Bob, I really need your advice on a serious problem.
I have suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me.
The usual signs: If the phone rings and I answer, the caller hangs up. She goes out with ‘the girls’ a lot. I try to stay awake to look out for her when she comes home, but I usually fall asleep.
Anyway, last night about midnight, I hid in the shed behind the boat. When she came home, she got out of someone’s car buttoning her blouse, then she took her knickers out of her purse and slipped them on.
It was at that moment, crouched behind the boat, that I noticed a hairline crack in the outboard motor mounting bracket.
Is that something I can weld, or do I need to replace the whole bracket?”


Dave

 

[colsy]

Sarcasm at it's best

A woman takes her 16-year-old daughter to the doctor.
The doctor says "Okay, Mrs. Jones, what's the problem?"
The mother says, "It's my daughter, Debbie. She keeps getting these cravings.
She's putting on weight, and is sick most mornings."
The doctor gives Debbie a good examination, then turns to the mother and says, -
"Well, I don't know how to tell you this, but your daughter is pregnant - about 4 months, would be my guess."
The mother says, "Pregnant?! She can't be. She has never ever been with a man! Have you Debbie?"
Debbie says, "No mother! I've never even kissed a man, I'm still a virgin!"
The doctor walked over to the window and just stood there staring out of it.
About 5 minutes pass and finally the mother says, "Is there something wrong out there doctor?"

The doctor replies, "No, not really, it's just that the last time anything like this happened,
a star appeared in the east and 3 wise men came over the hill.
And there's no way I'm going to miss it this time!"

 

[colsy]

Sorry jokes drying up a bit...you may have seen these !

WHY TEACHERS DRINK !! (I GOT SOME WRONG )



Q. Name the four seasons.
A. Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.

Q. How is dew formed?
A. The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.

Q. What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on?
A. If you are buying a house they will insist that you are well endowed.

Q. In a democratic society, how important are elections?
A. Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election.

Q. What are steroids?
A. Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs. (Shoot yourself now, there is little hope!)

Q.. What happens to your body as you age?
A. When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.

Q. What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A. He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery. (So true)

Q. Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
A. Premature death.

Q. What is artificial insemination?
A.. When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow.

Q. How can you delay milk turning sour
A. Keep it in the cow. (Simple, but brilliant)

Q. How are the main 20 parts of the body categorized (e.g. The abdomen)?
A. The body is consisted into 3 parts - the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels: A, E, I,O,U. (wtf!)

Q. What is the fibula?
A. A small lie.

Q. What does 'varicose' mean?
A. Nearby.

Q. What is the most common form of birth control?
A. Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium. (That would work)

Q. Give the meaning of the term 'Caesarean section'.
A. The caesarean section is a district in Rome.

Q. What is a seizure?
A. A Roman Emperor. (Julius Seizure, I came, I saw, I had a fit)

Q. What is a terminal illness?
A. When you are sick at the airport. (Irrefutable)

Q. What does the word 'benign' mean?
A. Benign is what you will be after you be eight. (brilliant)

Q. What is a turbine?
A. Something an Arab or Shreik wears on his head.