Lol. Fair play dude.
Being serious though, I dont think that making an intake is going to be that straight forward.
You have several things to consider, and the main one, in my opinion, is the 90 degree bend down to the turbo as there is limited room in there to do anything.
Having said that, if you got some proper heat resistant material, and could mould in an elbow, the pipe that goes across the rear of the engine toward the bulkhead would be straightforward enough. If the pipe diameter is correct, all you will need is a jubilee clip to fix the tube on to the turbo. The cutting you will need to make for the MAF will need to be fairly precise and you will need to make sure it is secure when in the tubing.
Then you will need another elbow to bring forward to the cone, and you will need to figure out how you want to mount it. I would advise against the hoop on the passenger side of the engine as a couple of these have snapped on the Dbilas units that I know of, probably due to engine movement.
Some sort of shielding for the cone (to separate it from the engine heat) would be a worthwhile consideration also.
What type of cone would you opt for? Something like a K&N 57i?
If you are good with your hands, this might be quite cool.
However also believe that if you buy cheap, you buy twice. Why put a 2p intake on a £20k car?!